Naples, Florida is deservedly well known for its weather, beaches, restaurants, shopping and, because it's usually so good, its weather one more time. Except for this winter, when it was lousy. But Naples is also notable for being a solid bastion of conservative politics. Throw a stick, hit a conspiracy theorist, as we say.
This fact led us to compose the following letter to the editor of the Naples Daily News. It's one we may actually send, unless a real right-winger beats us to it. No, you don't believe it could happen, but that's only because you don't live here.
To the editor:
The pointy-headed liberals on MSNBC will be the first to deny it, but a new terrorist threat we can thank Barack Hussein Obama for (and his Party of Yes-to-Creeping Socialism) is slithering its way into paradise.
This time, it’s not people with bombs in their underwear or shoes, but eco-terrorists. Needless to say—except of course for liberals who are deaf to any warnings that might protect our country—I am talking about the sudden influx, in the last year, of massive numbers of Burmese pythons writhing their way up from the Everglades.
Most recently, this creature-based sleeper cell meant to frighten our people has attacked lawns, and the airport runway on Marco Island. Although he alluded to it in one of his recent chalk talks, it doesn’t take Fox News’ Glenn Beck to see what’s happened. It just takes an average patriot willing to connect the dots.
Those dots indicate the following: On President George W. Bush’s watch, no threat of Burmese python-based terrorism figured here in southwest Florida. But one year after Obama’s inauguration we see the chickens, in this case the serpents, coming home to roost. Or spawn, or whatever it is they’re doing in the Everglades,in order to breed fear in our malls, country clubs, yacht basins, supper clubs and tennis courts.
Does anyone doubt that creeping socialism is perfectly reflected in both the habits,diet, and manner of movement in this latest attack on our liberties? Enough said—and remember: keep that lanai door closed!