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Friday, January 29, 2010

SNOWBIRDING #6: CROSSES, ENDOMORPHS,ETC

--There it is, gleaming in the sun.
--Rio has Surgarloaf Mountain and a huge statue of Christ. We have the World’s Biggest Stainless Steel Cross.
--It sort of goes with the World’s Biggest Bust of Jesus.
--The bust is for the northern part of our trip, this is for the southern part.
--To beat the devil at both ends.
--This isn’t the only place you see them. I’m sure I’ve seen others.
--Yes,but I think they’re on I-95.
--First comes the huge cross, then right next door a We Bare All strip club.
--In Dante’s Inferno, among the damned are the souls of people still walking around on earth. Even though they aren’t dead yet, they’ve committed sins so terrible that their souls are already in hell. I like the concept. I think you have to assume the souls of people in a We Bare All club overshadowed by a one-hundred-foot-high metal cross are already among the damned.
--I prefer the cedars on the embankments in Tennessee.
--We agree on that. Tennessee is beautiful. I never knew it before we started making this trip. Kentucky, too. Kentucky is so appealing, I can almost forgive it for electing two really disgusting senators. Almost certainly, Jim Bunning’s and Mitch McConnell’s souls have already been cast down into hell.
--The hills, the ground fog in the valleys, the ledge rock. So beautiful.
--Plus, they must constantly be getting the trusties out to pick up the litter. At least along 75. Everything is pristine. Tidy.
--Or it just seems that way because of where we’re from.
--Please don’t start. It‘s too easy to criticize where we’re from.
--OK.
--If you want to trash something, trash Mitch McConnell. Or Richard Shelby, from the great state of Alabama. There’s another piece of work. How he wanted the American auto firms to fail. He kept going on last year about free markets, the evils of bailouts. All this from someone whose state has awarded hundreds of millions in tax breaks to Japanese and German automakers. I really hate Shelby.
--Watch your speed.
--All right. Without a doubt, Shelby’s down below, too. With old Mitch. Ever notice how many of the really disgusting major figures in the Republican party are endomorphs?
--There you go with another word I don’t know.
--An endomorph is someone whose adult body retains features of infancy. Specifically, baby fat. Fleshy, blubbery bodies, double chins. Bloated cheeks. McConnell is a perfect example. So is Karl Rove, even the new slimmed-down version. Once a Rove, always a Rove. He’s still got that baby face.
--And you think this reveals something about what’s inside? That fat people are evil?
--No, of course not. Not fat people per se. Barney Frank is fat, and I like him. Teddy Kennedy was always stout. With Republicans, though, I think there’s some connection.
--Now you’re talking funny.
--No, I really do. It says something about their characters. Well, not exactly. What the fleshy, oversized baby body in a McConnell or a Rove may explain is why they love dirty, sucker-punch political fighting. They could never compete in sports, never do anything requiring athletic ability. So,now,they like throwing their weight around in politics.
--That’s a very elaborate theory.
--Yes, and a totally unfair, ad hominem argument. But I like it. The fat boy enviously watches football or baseball being played all through his school years. Always from the sidelines. When he grows up he goes into politics and becomes a bully in the House or Senate. Makes perfect sense. At least to me.

3 comments:

  1. I love this exchange! It's so right on! And the bits in the others about the War of Northern Aggression? I was laughing so hard! I'm originally from Atlanta and now live near DC (with a pit stop in Panama City, FL), so I know exactly what you mean!

    Thanks for the great comment the other day! Can we add you as a Bar Fly?

    Cat Martini

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Cat Martini:
    Please tell me first what being added as a Bar Fly will mean--I'm new to blogging. But if you need to know, I prefer my martinis dirty, and my rob roys with sweet vermouth. Although "prefer" should never be confused with "require."
    About right-wing endomorphs: I just saw a picture of Roger Ailes, the evil genius behind Fox News. Yep, my theory gains in both cred and ballast with Roger.
    Barry Knister

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  3. Being a Bar Fly means you are one of our fans and we link to your blog on our Bar Fly links!

    ReplyDelete

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